Guidance

 I am looking for some guidance and am not sure where to begin.I have always defended my right to have a relationship with God in my own way, however I have come to the conclusion that no such relationship exists with myself and the great Allah. I have a faith that is based on the teaching of Islam but I do nothing to strengthen this faith and am lost as to what it really means to me. I know that I feel guilty in the eyes of Allah but why? and in time of need I am afraid that I will be unable to communicate my needs and to be honest will feel ashamed to do so.We all have this expectation that our prayers will be heard but what if they are not? what if God refuses to listen?There is so much out there and I have always turned away from the male dominated versions of the interpretations of the Quran, so maybe it is time I picked it up and held it close in order to find what I am looking for. I hate the fact that I am having to admit this.If I do not do this now, I do not think that I ever will.My reservations about Islamic teachings need to be put aside as does the knowledge I have already attained through word of mouth and I will start from the beginning, with the facts. I will read research, listen and understand what I hear and what is being read and then hopefully after some time I will be able to come to a different conclusion.I will be starting by attending the 4 day Islamic Conference to be held in Leicester UK, I do not know what to expect but I seem to want something... and if that something is a two way relationship with Allah, then I need to get going, cos none of us know when and how it will be too late.May the greatest power guide me...