Could, Woulda, Shoulda.......

"When Life seems at it's worse, the best is yet to come"

I have always been an optimist; waiting for the time to come hoping that it will be the best. I am tired now and am not sure which way to turn?

Whichever direction I look to turn into i can see a big heavy black cloud sitting above it.

Contradictory or what?!

This obviously contradicts me being an optimist however I am slowly losing all hope that there is something out there waiting for me to experience as mine.Spent the night weeping for myself and feeling so drained and helpless. I never thought that I was the self pitying type but I really and truly felt sorry for myself . I need to break out of this cycle of self destruction that I seem to be falling deeper and deeper into. I am not liking my being for feeling this way and even though I have always said that I could, would and should, it is turning into a life full of lots of coulda, woulda, shoulda's!!!!!!