From Hanya - April 2017

Just hold 

her hand

and walk

with her

and promise her

you will

never leave

~Hanya~

Forgiveness

You asked me for forgiveness 

Take it

It is all that I have left for you

Nothing more

Nothing less

Given freely to you

not for you

but for me

Enjoy this forgiveness 

for it will give you what you want

I let go 

well and truly

you are a door that has now been sealed 

the keys to this door have been thrown into the seven heavens

so search if you wish

I will not be found

not now

not ever

-Hanya-

GAZA - 5 Mile Winter Walk

I would like to thank all the lovely people who were very generous with their donations sponsoring me in aid of the Gaza Winter Walk. it was an experience contending with the cold British weather on an early Sunday morning, however overall a fun day with lots of excited and enthusiastic walkers!

With all your help I raised £533.00 which contributed towards the overall £233,021.91 raised by the #winterwalk volunteers and fundraisers

This was a 5 mile walk to support expectant mothers and new-borns in Gaza

#muslimhands
#winterwalk
#gaza

You have made me bloom with love and realise the goodness that we all carry within our hearts can be put to use no matter what the circumstances are. You have made me believe in myself and in a love so true. Like a butterfly I  feel that i have emerged from a grim cocoon that had enveloped me in darkness and you have set me free enabling me to fly and find my fate
~Hanya~

My Love

The love of my life will be one that will remind me that love is soft.

He will taste of the poetry I write and love me like no other

He will stroke the pain away and tend to the scars you left.

He will savour my life like it is his own and make me his to keep.

This is what love is, not what I had but what I have.

~Hanya~ 

I love you more than anyone else in the world.

With that said,

I’m a little beat up,

a little worn out

and a little exhausted.

I’m feeling all of those regularly.

But I keep on trucking forward for us.

It’s short and temporary…….and I’ll beat it.

Love you baby!

I love you like I have never loved before.

With that said,

I will renew your body

Refresh your mind,

And ease the pains away

Each minute to pass will be saturated with Love

And I will persevere with all my might

Together we will beat it.

Love you too babe!  

~Hanya~

Part Six

'His wisdom astounds me and I run into his arms every day, praying his embrace will last forever'

~Hanya~

Part Five

'His words began healing me, his voice caressed my inner self, he knew how, he knew when'

~Hanya~

Part Four

'Opening my heart came easy, guarding my emotions was hard'

~Hanya~

Part Three

'The declaration of love startled me, it instantly erected a fear of loss, promises were made – Love was not lost

~Hanya~

Part Two

'Lost for words I spoke with my heart, he heard my silence, he listened to my heart'  ~Hanya~

Part One

 ‘Already he had enveloped me in his love, in silence he had captured me’

~Hanya~

It broke hard

You gave my heart it's ache,
You wrenched it open.
Justifying your strikes,
You cared nothing for the agony.

You consoled yourself,
believing your lies.
Surrendering to the fabrications
that your tongue fed your ears

You made visible your pain,
Yet buried me deep in mine.
I sought out souls to comfort me
But they too were your listeners

They trampled upon the remnants of my heart
They gloried on the feast of pain

This heart abandoned and lost
Wept for itself.
It had known nothing else. 
You, Your soul, Your heart relinquished its pain
You broke it.

You will always be the soul that broke my heart.

~Hanya~

Self-Esteem

SELF-ESTEEM

- In Sociology and Psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgement of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.

I ask myself
what is my worth?
am I something?
or am I nothing?
i ask myself
what was my worth?

With him
I fought for it
with him
I craved it
with him
I lost it

I was wrong
My self esteem had nothing to do with him
it is how I see myself
not how he did
my self -esteem is mine to control
it is for me
it was never for him to rule

braking out
killed the misconceptions
that dwelled for so long
it threw me out
the burden on my shoulders
it made me well again

~Hanya~

Me

A reintroduction to my readers with a current face to go along with my writing. I am still the same Hanya and at the ripe age of 41 going on 21 I would like to say thank you for visiting my blog and please feel free to comment or send me an email on hanyahussain@gmail.com

Much Love

Hanya 

Together

Coming together is a Beginning.

Keeping together is progress.

Working together is success.

Henry Ford

We have come together

We shall keep together

We shall work together

Hanya Hussain

Like

like the shadow you are part of me

like the beating of my heart you pulsate in me

like the gravity beneath me you ground me

like the air around me you have given life to me

you make me smile

you make me laugh

you make me cry

you make me feel

you make me happy

I love you 

~Hanya~

Love

Love is like a lump of gold,

Hard to get, and hard to hold.

Of all the girls I've met,

You're the one I can't forget,

I do believe that God above,

Created you for me to love

He chose you from all the rest,

Because he knew I would love you best.

- Loy Bowman

The bowed Heart

I sat here some time ago and evaluated all that had swept across me

looking out across to an infinite space of time

a beauty adorned with shades of mesmerising colours

I struck my head and felt the ache echo through to my heart

But it did not skip a beat

bowed down in pain it refused to take anymore

I recall the bleep and then silence

then a view

a response

then silence

It was silent except for the beating of the bowed heart

It beat a bit faster as it realised that someone had arrived

A blessing stroking the pain away softly

reminding it of its existence

telling it not all is lost

that this is meant to be

I sat there some time ago and found myself.

I sat there some time ago and let him find me and my bowed heart.

~Hanya~

The Rose

When the rose is gone and the garden faded

you will no longer hear the nightingale's song.

The Beloved is all; the lover just a veil. 

The Beloved is living; the lover a dead thing.

If love withholds its strengthening care,

the lover is left like a bird without care,

the lover is left like a bird without wings.

How will I be awake and aware

if the light of the Beloved is absent?

Love wills that this Word be brought forth. 

~ Rumi ~

The Wire

A French Man's dream to walk across the void from one sister to another had me engrossed for 2 hours. The mind-set of a human being who has the strength to fulfil a dream, this man should become the role model of souls today - We seem to have lost the ability to dream and from that, the ability to follow our dreams - Live life your way - Do not break the laws laid out by God but instead make them work to your advantage. I  have spent my life walking on ‘The Wire’ - The fear of falling being greater than the fear of the fall itself- I stayed on, swaying from side to side and only now have reached the other side. I crossed the void, it took me over 21 years, I have reached the other side and fallen into the arms of my future, my dream has come true. 
~Hanya~

Trust HIS Plan

She broke down and wept

she supplicated for help
she asked why
the tears dried
her love was redeemed
she acquired her answers
what a plan
she whispered
what a great enigmatic plan
she never saw it approaching
it collided with her hard
but it restored her
she is so grateful

for the love

she has been graced with
the storm is over

the sun is shining

her love is safe
safe with him

following him

she will grow

~Hanya~

Cavern of Love

enclosed in a cavern of love

we reach one hundred

we did not start at one but at three

we reached a peak at four

we knew where we were going at five

and at six we became one

at seven you told me how

at eight I felt when

nine is always divisible by three so back to where we started

and ten well what can I say - it is one zero away from one hundred

so we reached one hundred just as easily as we reached ten

~Hanya~

Flutter

I flutter at the thought,

like a butterfly my wings spread and I feel a beauty from within

like a flower I bloom at the sound of love

the breeze on my face

the tingling in my toes

bring on the bells

ring them at will

I will dance to the sound

of a love so rare 

~Hanya~

Beauty

The unruly turf beneath my hair
the grass tickling my neck
the heat on my face 
the copper sulphate blue glaring at me with no crack in sight
why have I neglected myself from the beauties of this world?
the sky
the land
the trees
the grass
preoccupied in a bubble of stress

I allowed myself to forget how Allah has blessed us with this world 

He made beautiful for us this stage upon we all dance to the music of life

swaying left and right oblivious to what we see;

through the gift of sight
through the gift of touch
through the gift of taste
through the gift of sound
through the gift of smell

It took love for me to recognise this beauty and with this love I shall share this beauty.

~Hanya~ 

Mornings

Morning breaks with the sound of the calling

The voice breaks the silence

The sounds of the morning

A stretch here and a twist there

eyes remain closed while treasuring the love

adjusting to the light as the shadows are lifted

craving the touch of what's in offering

no reason to move

no reason to shift

this is it now

this is all I need now

Time is in a hurry 

the clock is ticking

the thought of 'bye'

eats at my being

I could stay this way

forever more

Stay with me forever more

This is it. This is all..........

~Hanya~ 

Love Letters

Wikipedia states - A love letter is a romantic way to express feelings of love in written form. Whether delivered by hand, mail, carrier pigeon, or romantically left in a secret location, the letter may be of anything from a short and simple message of love to a lengthy explanation of feelings. Love letters may 'move through the widest range of emotions, devotion, disappointment, grief and indignation, self-confidence, ambition, impatience, self-reproach and resignation

I once received a love letter when I was 7 years old– it was secretly passed down the row and I unfolded it to find a declaration of love from a boy who I had never noticed – I gave the note to my teacher who in turn reprimanded the little boy for inappropriate behaviour in a classroom – My brother of the age of 10 was then informed of this young boys desire to love his sister and was chased down the road and threatened to be beaten up – young love – the desire to express it – the desire to protect from the one true emotion that should be mandatory for our lives to revolve around.

34 years later consumed by love  I sit here pondering my first love letter – scrawled in a 7 year old's scribbles – how I wish I had returned his gesture and reciprocated his innocence and had promised to love this boy who was brave enough to express – I am still not that brave.

I have lived within a wall and withheld all the letters of love inside with me – I have searched for a purpose but it was not found – I have searched the heights and depths of my own heart but unwillingly resigned to a lie that Love Letters do not exist. Oh to believe such a lie and to not seek out the truth

It has taken me years to stumble across the truth after a lifetime of fumbling in the dark - to see the truth, to feel the truth and to be inundated with letters of love – I will not reject them this time I will not tell the teacher and I will not let the sender be chased down the road – the  love letter will be reciprocated – the love will be returned and the desire to express will be enclosed until each side drops to reveal a love so previous that it will shine through the night.

God Willing

~Hanya~

Flowers

He sent me flowers

A list of words 

Tell the tale of 'flowers'

~Hanya~

Amidst the chaos

amidst the chaos I found him

pulled up from the darkness

drawn to the light like a flower to the sun he warmed me

he consoled me

he fed me the truth and promised me my heart's desire

He is my angel

my knight

my friend

much love for this being who is saving me in more ways than one

will love and keep him always
~Hanya~ 

A stranger in the Darkness

I came across his words

I came across the images

I came across hurt

I came across dispirited

He gave me hope

He gave me sight

He gave me words

He gave me his word

I wanted to believe him

I wanted to hear him

I wanted to question him

I wanted to know him

A stranger from the darkness rose and held me

He cradled my fears and held me close

He made me believe in him

He made me believe in me

~Hanya~

Betrayed

betrayed by those that lay claim to love
betrayed by the very same blood that runs within me

betrayed by him

betrayed by her

betrayed by them

Hanya x 

HE took it all away - my hopes - my dreams - my sleep - unknown to me HE stole it all - HE left me stranded on a hill with nowhere to go - he took it all away - unknown to him he stole it all - HE threw me away -  with nowhere to turn - HE stole from me - HE left me. 

Hanya

Falling

I fell to the ground
He let me fall
he caused the fall

He blamed me for the fall

I walked in a daze
He let me walk in a daze
He caused the daze

He blamed me for the daze

He spoke to me
He let me speak
He said the words

He blamed me for his words

I am lost
He sold me
He lost me

He blamed me for the loss

Crushed beneath my own weight of thoughts
Drenched with tears
Trembling with fears

I fell

~Hanya~

DAY ONE - The Forty-one Rules of Love

The Forty Rules of Love engulfed my being for the last few days - speedily reading this book....now.... at this point in my life has renewed my energies and motivation to seek, feel and love. To find myself within the realms of the swirling layers or to sit at peace knowing that my layers will always swirl around those that I love and cherish.

True companions acknowledged 

The meaning of Love extinguished in order to be reborn in a new light 

I titled this piece FORTY ONE RULES OF LOVE as to me the first compulsory rule is to read this BOOK! 

To Be Continued...........

The .......ing game

Wanting

Waiting

Smiling

Having

Feeling

then

Resenting

Disliking

Realising

Hating

then

Leaving

~Hanya~

A strand of the past

How is it possible for you to own such feelings you lay claim to have for me

yet you lead your life without me

To reminisce with small fragments of the past in your fingers

yet not claim the right to touch my being with your hands

To speak of the precious times gone by

but to not touch my soul with your voice

How is it possible?

Hanya

Dust off the books

From time to time I will start reading a book hoping that I will be unable to put it down currently I am reading Wild Swans authored by Jung Chang and am taken back in time to China in a mesmerising story of survival. 

I need to pick up novels more often and make time to escape more frequent

Hanya

Gaza

July 2014 will always be the month of Gaza for me - although the Palestinians have been subjected to this pain since 1948 - my acute awareness of their crisis hit hard this year, it changed my perception of the world, its so called leaders and the realisation that human beings can behave in such a disgusting, vile and inhumane way towards fellow brothers, sisters and children. 

Contradictory to the thoughts of many this was not a religious,ethnic or cultural battle but one of humanity.

Love and compassion is what drove me - the unjust treatment of innocent children, mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters. 

My heart tore at the images of these people, these beautiful people being torn apart.

#freegaza

#freepalestine

#savegaza

Hanya x 

The Orange Moon

cannot sleep
looked out the window and cannot believe how orange the moon is
it is burning
burning like my heart for the children of Gaza
not the best photo but it reassured me that there is a greater power out there
greater than Israel's missiles
greater than Obama's betrayal in his speech
the power of God will supersede these nations and their agendas

Hanya 

Their heart beats on.........

The People of Gaza teach us what pain and courage really is 

we should be ashamed

the world should be ashamed

Gaza we let you down

My heart is sad

Hanya x 

My Heart bled - and then broke for Shaima

My heart bled for Shaima - this beautiful baby born from her dead mother - a miracle in itself.
My heart broke a few days later as beautiful Shaima left this world - just 4 days on this earth.
This angel taken away to be reunited with her mother. May Allah bless this child and her mother. Ameen

Hanya

Ayanah - The Protester

Protesting against the illegal occupation of the Nation of P.A.L.E.S.T.I.N.E  - at the age of five years old, Ayanah accepted that we were standing in the heat and protesting so that all her friends who live in Palestine can have a home like hers, teaching our children to empathise with others is crucial.

Hanya x 

F R E E G A Z A

Enough

Saturated to the point of exhaustion....mind numbing visuals.....heart stopping footage.....praying for the atrocities to STOP. need to sleep. Struggling.

#freegaza
#freepalestine
#stopkillingthechildrenofgaza
#juststop

Home - where I place my head

A place called home

my home

I never wanted a mansion

just a place called home

my home

I never wanted grand furniture

just a comfy chair

my chair

I never wanted expensive furnishings

just a comfy bed

my bed

I never wanted glamour

just a sense of style

my style

I never wanted a show home

just a choice

my choice

I am blessed with what I wanted

I am grateful for what I have

my home

Home Sweet Home

Hanya
x

The walk

its your road, and yours alone

others may walk it with you

but no one else can walk it for you

~ Rumi ~

2014

Resolutions made to be undone? 
Vows made to be broken?
Promises spoken to be crushed? 
Love made to be lost? 
Hearts made to bleed?
If this is all my doing?
Then be gone my love 
I can hold me close 
I can love me more
I can save me 
but 
YOU
I can not save
I can not love
I can not hold 
selfish? 
heartless? 
brutal? 
seal your lips 
let the answers remain untold 
H x

my children my world and me

 

14 May 1974

14th May 1974 
I was blessed with a mother and father who are uncomparable 
true 
love 
does 
exist
 but only in the unconditional love a parent has for their child

Hanya x