MDM -Spaniard

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next

The days are passing; it's been so long, me amor.

I miss your long embrace and warm kisses--I need more.

My heart longs for your closeness and your treasured glances

saying more than words could express during moonlit dances.

During the long days, we play in the fields, he has your eyes.

He's full of energy--asking for Papa stories--running with ponies.

Remember--he thinks he is one of them, running wild and free.

He treasures the tiny clay pony you gave him when you left--left me.

I pray morning and night for your safe return, me amor.

Closing my eyes, caressing my little clay figure; I close my door.

My tears flood the night, Dreams of you end all to soon. I'm alone.

Me amor, is there time in a soldier's day for thoughts of home?

A general of Rome, commander of battles, living with death,

I can't imagine my tender, loving dearest forcing one's last breath!

A warrior you are, loyal subject of the Emperor, Defender of Rome,

I miss you dearest Maximus.............................please come home.

Someday you WILL return to me, the gods have determined our fate.

I'll wait for you in the golden fields beyond the old wooden gate.

The sun will shine eternally, our son will laugh, the ponies wildly run.

We will be together through eternity in the golden fields of Elysium.

(By Rayda Santrach)

Christmas has come

oh what fun

presents to give out

presents to come

lighted candles on the tree

oh what fun

oh what glee!

I can recall this poem like it was yesterday and no matter how much crucial information leaves my brain, this poem has stayed. I recall writing it for an english class at junior school. Poetry was not one of my strong points but obviously christmas played a big part in my childhood and had an impact on my ability to put words together. It may seem like a simple childlike rhyme to some but I can still feel the excitement and longing for a tree with candles dressed with gifts bursting to be stripped x

My ignorance has long died and the pagan worship of wood with the commercialised drama of Christmas has been observed however the warmth of the hearth and twinkling lights I am sure can melt anyones heart, cos it does mine every year x  

H x

4 in the morning - Love it

Waking up to find another day

The moon got lost again last night

But now the sun has finally had its say

I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in

It's all over me

i`m lying here in the dark

watching you sleep, it hurts a lot

And all I know is you've got to give me everything

and nothing less,cuz you know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am

I'm handin over everything that I've got

Cause I wanna have a really true love

Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up

Stay up till four in the mornin and the tears are pouring

And I want make it worth the fight

What have we been doing for all this time

Baby if we're gonna do it come we do it right

All I wanted was to know i`m safe

Don't wanna lose the love I`ve found

Remember when you said that you would change

Don't let me down

It's not fair, how you are

I can't be complete, can you give me more

And all I know is you've got to give me everything

and nothing less,cuz you know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am

I'm handin over everything that I've got

Cause I wanna have a really true love

Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up

Stay up till four in the mornin and the tears are pouring

And I want make it worth the fight

What have we been doing for all this time

Baby if we're gonna do it come we do it right

Oh please, you know what I need

Save all your love for me

We can't escape the love

Give me everything that you have

And all I know is you've got to give me everything

and nothing less,cuz you know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am

I'm handin over everything that I've got

Cause I wanna have a really true love

Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up

Stay up till four in the mornin and the tears are pouring

And I want make it worth the fight

What have we been doing for all this time

Baby if we're gonna do it come we do it right

Britishstani

The Queens 60th Jubilee celebrations and the Olympics 2012 in London brought with it a frenzy of red, white & blue, not my favourite combination of colours, however I have never felt more British and more sentimental about my home country then I do now in 2012.

I have a very minor interest in Sport but the olympics was more than just a sporting event - the opening ceremony was incredible to watch and the closing ceremony just as fantastic. The ceremonies entertained the world internationally but I truly felt that the essence of the countdown and the journey from the source of the river thames. From the hedges in the countryside to the birds eye view of the river thames (that clearly only means eastenders to us digestive dunkers)
I feel England
I feel British
I feel the passion
I feel good but hey whats this? I look Pakistani   
Being born in the heart of the east end of London - why would this look be a problem? I have played knock down ginger and kiss chase in the playground. I have had high teas in Harrods and sadly mourned the much loved Lady Diana. I have loved Simon Le-bon and danced to Wham. I have woken up to the milk mans cart and played out till dusk. I have walked to school alone and managed to not speak to any strangers. I have played on the space hopper and chalked a hopskotch on the pavement - and if this is not enough I can compile an even longer list, but who am I trying to convince? anyone? noone? - or myself? 
These thoughts came about I guess on 14th August (yesterday) when the messages and facebook status's were screaming Happy independance day for Pakistan, sadly I did not feel the passion or the desire to place a flag on my wall. I will be shunned by some for admitting this but my affliation for Pakistan stops at my parents. I lived in Pakistan for six years but it never felt like home - I looked the part but I did not feel it.
I did try though
oh how I tried - I tried hard but it only led to confuse me further and I had to come back to the truth to what I am.
Pakistani?
British?
pakistani british?
britishstani - b r i t i s h s t a n i - yes thats the word - that describes me best x

Hanya

Riverside Festival

A three day stall  in August 2012 to show off my creativity and also make some money - I did less of the latter but enjoyed every minute of the festival and was proud of my daughters commitment to selling my goods with such passion.
enjoy the pics
Hanya

Lies

He walked alongside me pure and true
I walked on a path of lies
He expected nothing but the truth
I gave nothing but lies
he wanted the truth
I feared the truth
He looked at me
I feared his distaste
He gave it
I felt it
Broken hearted because of all the lies

Hanya

To do list

think .....smile..... send a text.....write on a wall.....smile.....ponder 

and then move on with the choices made for reasons now unknown to me.

Hanya

Stepping Stone

I remember way back way back when
I said i never wanna see your face again
Cause you were loving yes you're loving somebody else
And I knew oh yes I knew I couldn't control myself
And now they bring you back into my life again
And so I put on a face just like your friend's
But I think you know oh yes you know whats going on
Cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong
But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own
You used to call me up from time to time
And it would be so hard for me not to cross the line
The words of love layed on my lips just like a curse
And i knew oh yes i knew they'd only make it worse
And now you have the nerve to play along
Just like the maestro beats in a song
You got your kicks you get your kicks from playing me
And the less you give the more i want so foolishly
But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own...
No I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone

Running Away

When she was just a girl
                                        She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
                                       So she ran away in her sleep
Dreamed of paradise
                                       Every time she closed her eyes

currentability

Alone
I am a superhero
With you
I am a mere mortal

You deplete me
I'm tired of being your upgrade-We are not equally yoked
You really deserve someone more basic
I'm tired of pretending your mediocrity is okay with me
I'm tired of pretending I don't miss knowledge
I'm tired of pretending you're not a burden on my mind
I'm tired of you living in my crib

Stop telling me you love me as if you're doing me some sort of favor
I don't need you to love me
I love me

I'm tired of pretending like you shouldn't be intimidated by the other people in my life
I'm tired of you taking all this stuff for granted as if you ever deserved any of it

Stop rolling way over onto my side of the bed to hold me. I'm over here for a reason. 

Stop

just stop

look away

I don't live here anymore

Stop telling me you love me as if you're doing me some sort of favor

I don't need you to love me

I love me

hanya

stop

Stop rolling way over onto my side of the bed to hold me

I'm over here for a reason

alone

"Alone

I am a superhero

With you

I am a mere mortal"

stitch it back together

sometimes you have just got to be your own hero
 and save your own little heart,
because sometimes the people you can't imagine living without,
can actually live without you

Random: t.h.i.n.k

I think
he thinks
she thinks
they think
we think
but
nobody sees
neither I
nor him
nor she
nor them
nor us
No-body

Hanya

B E C O M I N G

becoming a being that I despise
befriending a being that I fight
what is this?
is it me. Now
is this what i have become
is this what is destined for me
can it be altered
can I change it 
can i live it?
can I breath it
can i let go
will i fall?
will anything break
is it me. Then
is it me Now
is it me. Forever

Hanya x