G for Gemaal

So proud of Gemaal as his achievements have filled me with contentment, pride and the knowledge that he will be alright - InshaAllah.
Praying to Allah for his success to rise to unimaginable peaks and his dreams fulfilled.
He is surely blessed by his mothers Dua's and love.
Keep on striving: you were the last one in a line of six but are now at number one.
Love Hanya

I Talk

I talk
To no avail

I speak
But no one is listening

I cry
no one to wipe the tears

I yearn
To no effect

I scream
But it is silent

I try
But nothing changes

My pain within is mine alone

My heart beats to no sound

My breath is unsettled

But again nothing

Except empty promises of change
Of Love
Of merry go rounds
With no lights
No music
No horses
No movement
No life
So no Point
Except for a vast space
Filled with empty cold metal

The eeriness
The silence
The cold harsh metal of my life
Is mine for keeps
My yearning will never stop for bright lights music and love
For the warmth Of the enclosure Of arms of love

I talk

to no avail

I write with the plan to avail.

Hanya

Blog revamp!

Sorry guys if my blog is looking a bit green! it is not ill, I just felt like a change and after trying out

• black - mysterious
• Red - sexy
• Lime Green & Pink - Bold and vivacious

I have in fact returned to a natural and calm colour theme of green and beige which to be honest I guess is what reflects my personality. I like routine and familiarity, I like nature and the serenity of it. I fantasise about being bold, wild and daring but in reality it ain't happened yet! I guess one should never say never so watch this space. 

bye for now
Love and Hugs
Hanya

misunderstood

Coming away from an ordeal of trying to explain my frustrations and not being understood.

Misunderstood for so long, the frustration is infuriating in itself
waiting for him to say the right words and take the lead
Him not hearing my cries
My screams of hurt
My senses turning numb with the effort of trying
Trying to make a point
A point that I have been making for what seems a lifetime
A lifetime of inconsistent love
A lifetime of words
Hours and hours of just words
Is he listening?
Does he care?
Has he ever listened
Has he ever cared?
I know nothing anymore
I want to not care anymore
I want to give up
But can't
I won't

Hanya

Bizarreness

A dream I had last night has had me thinking all day. An incident in my childhood (at the age of about 10 I think) was recalled in the dream and myself and this other person, we spoke about it, the emotions, the unspoken communication felt that many years ago were so strongly apparent in my dream that I woke up in a strange mode of days gone by.

I had always thought that it was only a one sided infatuation, however my dream has enlightened me and showed me that all along he did and has and now he came into my sleep and told me so.

The most bizarre thing was that the encounter in my dream was in the present. I have not seen him for over 20 years yet I knew what he looked like and recognised him by these feelings refreshed.

Bizarre totally bizarre!

Flattery will get you no where

No.

I am not flattering you and I don't want to go anywhere.

I am telling you the truth.

You can't compare yourself with anything.

You are prettier of all.

I Dream

I dream a dream

of laying my head on
the same pillow
of smiling as I watch him
do his thing,
His smile
His stance
His jokes

The eyes; his smiling eyes
My eyes watching him
loving him
feeling him
knowing him
smiling with him

I dream of laying next to him
knowing that his eyes are
loving me
feeling me
knowing me
smiling with me

I dream a dream
only a dream

hanya